I'll Have the Number Four
A fake commercial for the Tipsy Monkey, the in-world restaurant chain where every waiter was a literal monkey with sad eyes and a missing limb, and nobody asked why. The food was delicious, though, so we kept going back. It's the darkest jingle I've ever written.
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Come to the Tipsy Monkey
A chain too long to stop
If you hear your tummy rumble
We've got just what you want
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Our wait staff's quick and nimble
They'll take your order down
Don't pay them much attention
They won't be back around
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Pay no mind to their sad eyes
Ignore their missing limbs
When the food is this delicious
Dear customer, you win!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
See the juices, how they glisten
Let the scent waft in
Barely look, and off the bone
The meat will fall again
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
So hush your moral outrage
We're not gonna budge
Until you've tried this fancy feast
You've got no right to judge
You've got no right to judge
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Monkey meat!
Meat! Meat! Tasty treat!
Goodbye, Bob