The Laziest Man in the World
Therapy homework on letting go of self-blame, with a trick I play on my own brain. I could spend all day beating myself up, but honestly, self-abuse is a lot of work, and I'm too lazy for that. Sometimes a joke gets past defenses that logic can't.
Woke up today, the world's on fire, same old sorry state
Got a list of all the failures that I need to flagellate
My inner critic's got his coffee, he's ready for the fight
To list the thousand ways I didn't do it right last night
Could spend the morning screaming, could spend it punching walls
Could analyze the data 'til the final curtain calls
Could whip myself into a frenzy, a productive, burning rage…
Or I could just decide to turn a different, god-damn page.
'Cause maybe I'm the laziest man in the world
Maybe I've decided that my battle flag is furled
Not 'cause I'm weak, not 'cause I'm broke, not 'cause I've lost the game
But self-abuse is just so much work, and it all ends up the same
Yeah, maybe I'm the laziest man you'll ever meet
'Cause hating on myself all day just can't be beat
For wasting precious energy I haven't got to spare
So I'll just sit here being vaguely okay, 'cause frankly, I don't care... that much.
The gurus say to "love yourself," embrace your inner child
A sticky, sweet, and useless thought that always drives me wild
My inner child's an asshole, and my outer one's a wreck
And loving this damn mess is like a noose around my neck
But hating it? That takes effort. That takes grit and sweat and tears
To keep that engine running after all these brutal years
Requires logs and evidence, a prosecuting zeal…
And honestly, today, that doesn't really have appeal.
'Cause maybe I'm the laziest man in the world
Maybe I've decided that my battle flag is furled
Not 'cause I'm weak, not 'cause I'm broke, not 'cause I've lost the game
But self-abuse is just so much work, and it all ends up the same
Yeah, maybe I'm the laziest man you'll ever meet
'Cause hating on myself all day just can't be beat
For wasting precious energy I haven't got to spare
So I'll just sit here being vaguely okay, 'cause frankly, I don't care... that much.
It's just efficiency, you see, a calculated cost
For every ounce of anger, there's a pound of something lost
And maybe "good enough" today is actually the peak
Of strategic self-investment for the rest of my damn week
So let the critic have his rant, I'll nod and smile and say
"That's nice, but I've got napping scheduled for the rest of day."
'Cause maybe I'm the laziest man in the world
Maybe I've decided that my battle flag is furled
Not 'cause I'm weak, not 'cause I'm broke, not 'cause I've lost the game
But self-abuse is just so much work, and it all ends up the same
Yeah, maybe I'm the laziest man you'll ever meet
'Cause hating on myself all day just can't be beat
For wasting precious energy I haven't got to spare
So I'll just sit here being vaguely okay, 'cause frankly, I don't care... that much.
Yeah... vaguely okay…
Good enough for government work…