Lightly Brutal (Remastered)
Vlazlo, the 'whampire,' dealing cards at the inn, a nod to a tavern card game our group also loves. All charm, and just a little nibble before you're allowed to leave. Our DM gave him a truly horrible accent.
Gambling? I'm in!
I'm a whampire, don't you see
Pull up a chair, or take a knee
Just a nibble, a little drop
Come with Vlazlo, und fun won't stop
Toss in your gold, und let's be friends
I'll tell you all, about zee ends
Or beginnings, vhatever you vaunt
Here, at zee Red Dragon Inn, I haunt
I'll shuffle zee cards, zhen I'll deal
Take a bat nap, real quick, to heal
Another round! Another hand!
You can't go yet! No, I demand!
Tip zee vench!
Bring me another!
Hey I won!
Vhurd to your mother!
Vhat you mean, I'm a dirty cheat?
Look in my eyes, und feel complete
Zhere's no need, to feel so angry
Let's go to dinner, I'll get fangey
Shot through zee heart, with vooden stake
You're all fools, if you thought zhat'd take
Rise from zee floor! Boys, grab my helm!
I'm zee Baron!!! Of zee twilight realm!
We obey, lord, you're our truth
Here are our veins, for your tooth
In your service, we attack
Teach the manners, that they lack
Now buff me, bard, vith awful vail
Finish zis quick, or off to jail
Charge zhat vizard, don't let him cast
Ignore zee centaur, he goes last
Vucking zee hell guys, see zhis monk?
Vhat a poser, is vhat I thunk
Vairing a bat cape, skulking 'round
Check out his puny, man fists pound
I told you boys if you can't play nice, you can't play at all! Jasper!
Son of a dark bat bitch, zhat hurt
Out of novhere, I'm eating dirt
Vhere zee hell, did he get more arms?
I'll grab his throat, zhen try my charms
Oh no, he got Wei!
Ah, zhat's better, now get zhat horse
Nothing can stop, zee Baron's course
Oh, hi Jasper, I didn't zee
Your rusty brains zhink zhat, you'll stop me?
We obey, lord, you're our truth
Here are our veins, for your tooth
In your service, we attack
Teach the manners, that they lack
One last round, so I'll leap right in
My pride's got to show you, all your sin
Whampire vhill must, reign zupreme
Zee Dreadnought's control, zee last I'm seeing
Get on the ground, this is your last warning!
Deploying crowd control
I'm Vlazlo, bitches!
You can't do zis to me!
I'll take all your mothers out to dinner
If you know vhot I mean!
No, no, Jasper, I'll come quietly
I'm not sorry, you schtupid schnacks. Vatch your backs.
OwW! Not zee Holy Votter!
It burns! I vhaunt my mommy
Sand