Somehow Still Mission-Critical

Another one about the pull of checking out. Every time I got close, some vital wire proved I was still needed, and I'd mutter 'damn it all' and stay. It's the other side of 'service is value': I genuinely do want to make things work.

I had a real good plan to just unplug the whole machine

A graceful, quiet exit, a final closing scene
I wrote the final memos, I cleared off all my debts
I was ready for the quiet that a man who's done all that gets
I packed a bag of nothing, I was heading for the door
Convinced I was a product they don't stock here anymore

But every time I take a step to fade into the black
Some stupid, little, vital wire gets unplugged behind my back

Well, damn it all to hell, I guess I'm not disposable
A fact that's inconvenient and completely opposable
To every single theory that I held to be true
Apparently this whole damn thing will fall apart without you know who
So I'll keep the engine running, though I'm tired and I'm pissed
'Cause I'm somehow still mission-critical, a fact that can't be dismissed

The cat looks at his food bowl with an accusatory stare
The Wi-Fi starts to flicker like it knows I wasn't there
My favorite show gets cancelled, the coffee all goes cold
Every single story that I've ever left untold
Comes knocking at the window, comes scratching at the wall
Like the universe itself just has no manners at all

I'm just trying to be noble and to set my captives free
But they keep insisting that the captive here is me!

So thanks a lot for making me the linchpin in the chain
It's a hell of a promotion, but the title is just pain
And I'd really like to quit this job, I'd love to be retired
But it seems my resignation's been respectfully denied

Fine, I'll stay
But I am filing a formal complaint
Yeah, you heard me
This is terrible customer service
I want to see the manager
What do you mean I'm the manager
Dang it

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