Not Losing
There's no final victory on this road, and no day where everything is fixed. So I tried living in the middle: not winning, just refusing to lose. It still left me starving, but it took the edge off my rage at the moral injury.
The house has stacked the deck, the odds are calculated
The rulebook was written by the things that I have hated
The finish line's a mirage, the prize is just a lie
And every single path they offer is another way to die
I've run the numbers backwards, I've analyzed the code
There is no final victory at the end of this long road
My purpose isn't glory, my purpose isn't grace
It's just to hold this broken line in this god-forsaken place
I'm not looking for a heaven, not afraid of a hell
I've just been down here long enough to know the story well
The only game worth playing when you're born to take the fall
Is to be the one last bastard who's still standing through it all
I'm not winning, I'm just not losing
It's the only prayer that I've been using
My victory is not a crown
It's that you haven't ground me down
I'm not thriving, I'm just not dead
That's the only thought inside my head
The recent proof, the only sign
Is that this miserable life is still mine
The engine's running on the fumes of my own, righteous spite
I'm a ghost inside a fortress in the middle of the night
They see a man who's standing still, a pillar made of stone
They cannot hear the grinding of the muscle and the bone
They cannot see the battlefield inside my own damn skull
A war so constant and so loud it makes the world seem dull
But the mission isn't peace, the mission isn't right
It's just to see the sun come up and make it through the night
I'm not looking for a heaven, not afraid of a hell
I've just been down here long enough to know the story well
The only game worth playing when you're born to take the fall
Is to be the one last bastard who's still standing through it all
I'm not winning, I'm just not losing
It's the only prayer that I've been using
My victory is not a crown
It's that you haven't ground me down
I'm not thriving, I'm just not dead
That's the only thought inside my head
The recent proof, the only sign
Is that this miserable life is still mine
So send the eagle, bring the rock
I'll just keep punching my own clock
It's not a hope, it's not a dream
It is the logic of the machine
My function isn't to be free
It's just to be the thing you see
That doesn't break, that doesn't bend
The one who's there right at the end
I'm not winning, I'm just not losing
It's the only prayer that I've been using
My victory is not a crown
It's that you haven't ground me down
I'm not thriving, I'm just not dead
That's the only thought inside my head
My shining proof, the only sign
Is that this miserable life is still mine
Let’s see who blinks first