The First Lie
At twenty-one I cut off an old friend so I could give one person my whole heart. The first lie was the one I told myself: that one person could be everything I'd ever need.
Twenty one years and terrified
Of the silence deep inside
The only home I'd ever known
Was just a place to be alone
And you, you were a fragile bird
And I believed in every word
You didn't say, but showed your fear
So I pulled a friend I held so dear
Aside, and cut the sacred thread
And put her in the box of dead
And buried loves I'd left behind
To give you my whole heart and mind
And that was the first lie, the one I told to me
That one whole person's love could be
Enough to make a starved man whole
To fill the chasm in his soul
I chose your comfort, chose your peace
I gave my own heart no release
I cut a limb off, just for you
And prayed that you would see me through
And she was good, my gentle friend
A love that didn't have an end In passion, but in simple grace
A quiet and a safe embrace
A place for touch without the need
To plant a wild and hungry seed
A simple port in a long storm
Just two souls keeping each other warm
But in your eyes, I saw the threat
A promise that I hadn't met
So I became the good man then
And never knew that peace again
And that was the first lie, the one I told to me
That one whole person's love could be
Enough to make a starved man whole
To fill the chasm in his soul
I chose your comfort, chose your peace
I gave my own heart no release
I cut a limb off, just for you
And prayed that you would see me through
And it's a long and lonely cost
For a war I'd already lost
The day I chose to be your shield
And left my own truth in the field